Can you tell my BFF picked out this picture for me? I can!
Color me lazy. I suppose I've been blessed by good DNA when it comes to wrinkles and such because I've basically lived with little more than good old Dove soap as just about my only skincare. Oh, I bought LaMer, a ridiculously expensive cream worth every penny for my face too, but I can't say that it's helped a HUGE amount - only because I don't use it on a regular basis. It's wonderful, wonderful. I love it. And its more expensive, but even more effective "The Concentrate," has helped me out of a few jams over the years when need be.
But the new beauty thing these days seems to be about skinCARE! Who even cared about skincare until about the last five years - or even less? No one! Well, perhaps a few hippies in California, but really, did they even count? We had makeup, by golly, and we used it liberally. There was a time NO one saw me without my war paint on, not even my ob/gyn when I delivered three ten-pound screamers.
It's truly amazing how much "paint" can accomplish. About a year ago, I had a regular appointment with my GP and found that after my shower/bathing ordeal, I actually had a bit of time and, better yet, energy on my hands. What to do? I really, really hate to sit around. Lie around is one thing, but sitting around takes precious ENERGY.
Well, I thought, let's put on some foundation. And trust me, I really do need foundation. My freckles, let's face it, are, at fifty-plus, not freckles but age spots! And I have always hidden them... well, once I reached college and was out of sight of my old-fashioned and very strict mom.
So I thought to myself, let's shake the heck out of my long-suffering GP. He'd not seen me look anywhere near "good" in over a year. A girl remembers these things, you know. A little later, bored by the extra time, I thought I'd put on some eyeliner too. That's getting towards the "big guns" and a real pain because the hand's not too steady any longer. In fact, if hubby is helping me get ready and sees the eyeliner in my hand, he know to flee. Nothing puts me into as foul a mood as putting on eyeliner. It used to be something that took no more than two minutes, if I were having a bad day. Now, darn it, the eyesight is going too, so that makes it an even harder job to accomplish. Magnifying mirror is not enough...worse mood.
After about two hours of paint, rest, paint, rest, I was looking pret-ty dern good. That Nars illuminator with the Bare Escentuals Radiance worked beautifully together but I know I'll never be able to reproduce the successful combination...sigh.
I had my appointment and as I was leaving, my doctor said, "you are looking really good today!" I've never, ever been able to take a compliment graciously - mostly because I'm looking for some sort of hidden smirk behind the compliment. After muttering something inane about how it took me two hours to achieve this look (how embarrassing is THAT statement?) I suddenly remembered that there WAS something I forgot to mention, a new, big pain. Understand I live in pain every day, but this was new. OK. I get new stuff all the time too, but this actually got MY attention, somewhat of a miracle, trust me!
Well, I looked so good that the doctor poo-poo'ed it and pointed out how much stress we were under lately...true. I didn't think that explained the "new pain" but...hey, the man's been right on an occasion or two (ha!).
That day I also decided that the two almost year-old prescriptions for glasses I'd been carrying around could be filled at the one-hour place at the mall. Yes siree, get me out of my bed and the sky's the limit. Often my daughter will say, "so, shall we now drive up to Babushka's?"... her grandmother who lives eight hours away. Cute kid! Very funny kid.
I was in an absolutely wonderful mood. I actually picked out two frames I loved, a first. My son and I sat down where he gobbled down his dinner and then ate mine too. Good time as we walked around.
My luck! I picked up the glasses and tried them on. Both prescriptions were wrong...WAY wrong. The man, who HAD thought that they were an odd prescription, tried to talk me into liking the new "vision." I informed him that IF my son were playing at the Super Bowl and IF I wanted to see if his nose were running, only THEN would I need the new prescription. I had thought the new eye doctor might have been a bit off when I saw her...OK, I actually wondered if she was nipping from a bottle, but never did I expect a bad prescription. The reading glasses were off too. The poor optometrist at the one-hour place was about to go home but he was roped into checking my eyes. I really did not want to come back. Who knew WHEN I'd put makeup on again, much less get out of bed for a day...carpe diem, as my disgustingly optimistic hubby would say. Seize the day!
Two new pairs of glasses had to be grinded. My son looked at me and said, "things never do go quite smoothly for you, mom, do they?" Oh, as I've said once before, out of the mouth of babes! An hour later, I was on my way home, happy that I'd picked out new glass frames to go with eyes which had on makeup. The last time had been without eye makeup and it was a most unfortunate move.
But the next day, I had a really bad pain that nothing would help. I finally woke up that eternally optimistic hubby of mine who took one look at me and said, "OK...off to the ER!" There we had many tests and it turned out that this new pain was gall bladder stones! Appointments for further testing were made.
So, the moral of my story? Well, there are several morals but I'll only point out a few.
Ladies, do NOT throw your doctor off by putting on war paint when going for an appointment. It really threw my GP off his game. Wow! Was HE ever shocked!
Secondly? DO wear your eye makeup when picking out new eyeglass frames. I hated every minute of the four years I wore the pair where I wore no makeup picking out the frames. Sad.
Thirdly, if you think there's something wrong about a doctor...look into it, for heaven's sake. That woman was nuts! NOT to mention blind.
Fourthly: skincare is here to stay, girls! Forget the big guns and paint. Yes, the no-makeup look takes a lot of work but don't let anyone fool you...it's a lot easier to achieve if your skin is good to begin with. I know, it's very time-consuming, but what can I say? Sometimes it's a real pain being a woman.
Finally, if you go to the ER, you may want to consider washing your face off with bleach and detergent...you WANT to look bad and not radiant from the latest wonderful blush you bought. Church: wear it all. Hospital? If you want to be taken seriously, don't even THINK about hydrating your face!