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I'm a mom, a wife, a best friend. Sick with CFIDS/ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia since 1975 as a result of a nasty flu while still in grad school, it wasn't until the late '80's that I received a diagnosis. Until that flu I'd never really been ill before. With each year I get progressively worse and add to the bucket load of symptoms I'm living with. I've been blessed with an incredible family and best friend who've stayed with me through my struggles as we continue to find a way out of this monstrous illness and its complications. We've tried seemingly every approach to find my way back to health. Often I think our best weapon in this undesirable and unasked-for adventure has been laughter.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Friday Tidbits: Depressed/Not Depressed?

Yesterday in an email to my BFF I admitted that I thought I was depressed.  That's a huge admission for me since I put a lot of work into NOT being depressed.  

However, looking over some of the posts I've written lately, along with some research on the state of the flu "epidemic" we're experiencing, I suddenly realized that I wasn't depressed as much as I was just really sick. What I thought was just some sort of awful bug we've all been fighting, has most likely been the flu instead, the real McCoy.  In fact, it's probably been more than just one episode of the flu.

Well, it was the flu on top of the cellulitis, which would make sense, because who knows which came first, the cellulitis or the flu?  Regardless, whatever got into my system resulted because of an already weakened state, and that's on top of the already weakened state of the CFIDS/CFS/ME and fibro, plus my severe insomnia that's gone into stratospheric heights.  Am I making sense?  I know, you really do need a score card around here.

What started my "depression" is that I couldn't take the cellulitis (wow! that did a lot of damage!) on top of the hypothyroidism I was trying to get a handle on.  In the flu epidemic post I wrote last Friday (link) I alluded to the fact that we would basically have to put a halt to "The Hunt for Red October" until flu season was over. This is the plan I've dubbed as the hunt and mystery of the new-awful-mysterious-thing-that's-happened-to-me-that-we-need-to-find, but instead get red herrings thrown at us.  (Whew. Do you see why I need a code?) In other words, my plan to go on the offensive had been thwarted and it was just too much for the Pollyanna side of me.  (Hey! You think it's EASY to be positive???)

BUT!  Yes!  BUT!  And it's a good BUT

Yesterday's news gave me heart.  According to what I can piece together from various news sources it appears that:

  • there is a good chance that the flu season has peaked in a few states.  Whew. That sounded wonderful.  Caution is being reported right and left, as it should be.  Furthermore, we still need to watch what we touch, where we go, all the things I mentioned in the flu post.  But this is wonderful news, the best I've heard in quite a while.
  • there is a good chance that we only have six weeks of this junk ahead of us, which takes us to the end of February.  I liken this bit of news to labor.  What was so awful about labor?  It was that you didn't know when in the world that baby of yours would finally decide to enter the world and put you out of your misery.  Having what is a type of time frame is NOT to be underestimated!   I can handle six more weeks of vigilance and wait to resume "The Hunt for Red October."
  • there have been three strains of the flu out there, not one.  NOW I understand that I may have had all three versions at one point or another.  Looking at the symptoms was reassuring.  I hadn't been fighting the same thing over and over again.  And no wonder the pain meds weren't working.  Once I have an explanation I can handle most things.  I'm just so glad that I take a daily anti-viral which my rheumy/immunologist recommended and GP prescribed and I've been a fanatic about taking the anti-viral for about the last five or so years.  How much worse could things have been?  MUCH, from what I've been told by said doctors.
    As soon as my surgeon gives me the OK to return to whatever MY normal is, I can't wait to start sterilizing the house.  I have got to find the steamer and start in on washing those areas I'm exposed to, including the kitchen areas where germs and viruses may be lurking despite all attempts (on hubby's part) to eradicate.

    Furthermore - and how I hope I'm not jinxing myself! - I've made another list for the weekend and hubs looks like he's gung-ho.  I certainly hope that nothing happens to HIM between now and then to make this plan go kaput.  I mean, I REALLY need to get something done in the house.  Accomplishing anything will put me in a better state of mind.

    So, I see that I'm not depressed as much as sad and frustrated.  Or at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

    And in the meanwhile, I hope everyone is feeling THEIR best, only better, and staying away from all those nasties out there.  Take care and take precautions.  Ciao and paka!

    Six weeks?  Yeehaw!!!

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    1. Sad and frustrated makes complete sense to me! CA has been very low on the flu totem pole this time, and I hope that continues. We haven't had the flu, nor has anyone else in our family. Fingers and toes are crossed, which makes knocking on wood somewhat difficult. In the middle of some major cleaning out and housecleaning, both of which I truly hate. Taking forever because my heart isn't in it! Oh well... Sharon

      1. Fingers crossed that California continues to stay "safe," most especially you and your family, Sharon! See, doesn't "spring cleaning" make more sense to be done after Christmas and not waiting for spring? ;) xx