About Me

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I'm a mom, a wife, a best friend. Sick with CFIDS/ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia since 1975 as a result of a nasty flu while still in grad school, it wasn't until the late '80's that I received a diagnosis. Until that flu I'd never really been ill before. With each year I get progressively worse and add to the bucket load of symptoms I'm living with. I've been blessed with an incredible family and best friend who've stayed with me through my struggles as we continue to find a way out of this monstrous illness and its complications. We've tried seemingly every approach to find my way back to health. Often I think our best weapon in this undesirable and unasked-for adventure has been laughter.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A Bit of Happiness, A Bit of Sadness

We've been much too serious for the last few posts, so I thought that today I'd try  (emhasis on "try") to lighten the load a bit for those of us living this nightmare condition known as CFDIS/ME/CFS and fibromyalgia.

Some of you may have noticed by now that one of my most-read posts is the one in which I wrote about the fact that even we sick want and need our beauty routines, which can be found with this link.  It perks me up, most definitely, if I can find a day that no matter what, I'm going to have a few hours in which I have the energy to indulge and make of it what I need - just a little time off from my stupid, hated CFIDS/ME/CFS and fibromyalgia - when I can self-indulge and pamper myself!  So come on: we can do it!  

I'm convinced that the first part of the equation is to buy something really decadent and if hubby or life-time partner gives you a look, you give him/her a look right back so he/she will never again complain about the cost of women.  Instead remind him that it is the woman who is the multi-tasker, going back thousands of years when "men" had to go out and hunt (la di da!) for the food while sad and exhausted woman stayed in the cave with the toddlers, usually one or two still breast feeding, while taking care that the toddler(s) who would inevitably try to crawl into the fire stayed away, all the while trying to cook up some food for the family - and that granddad was given smelly rags of all sort (greenery ones, of course) to take care of the abscessed leg, which would either kill him or, when desperate measures are called for, the leg would get amputated and then THAT would indeed kill him off.  Heck, woman was probably so overwhelmed by the men that she probably sent out gentle (and not so gentle) hints that it was time for some fresh meat, just for a moment all to her own without high maintainance "hubby" for her sanity.  She knew she couldn't take on hubby's job of killing animals (though how she'd love a few minutes to herself and most likely could have done a better job of it!) but knew that if she weren't in the cave, things would seriously deteriorate, all because she knew that if she weren't in the cave to multi-task, things would go awry, like REALLY AWRY!  Too many people depended upon her and the family wouldn't/couldn't survive more than an hour without her presence.

(Please pretend that there is a transition here!)  Last week, I have to admit that I was feeling a bit depressed, as I am indeed now.  I know that much of this is due to chemical changes due to the huge assaults that my body has sustained.  Whereas before I'd known I'd been most definitely in the sad stage, I'm now precariously on the edge of sadness and depression,  building up to the depression phase.   And the crazy part is that I feel that I have no right to feel sadness or depression since, in so many ways, I've been so much luckier than most.

I know that we should be responsible for one's own happiness, but I was never built that way, and after so many decades of trying to change myself, I know that it's not going to magically appear in me now at my advanced age.  Things will sky-rocket towards Christmas, something I dread with every fiber of my being.  Couldn't we work on getting the house in order, finish the old projects and skip all the expense of Christmas, which has become certainly too commercial and makes everyone crazy?  

If you're a mom who goes all out for Thanksgiving and Christmas, what are some of the strategies you've developed?  I really would love to hear them!

Until next time, I hope everyone is doing the absolutely best they can be, only better.  Ciao and paka!

P.S.: Sorry if I sound loopier than usual.  The back pain is horrendous and I can barely get up without passing out.  How much more can this stuff keep going on?  Next post I hope will be a beauty post, so maybe I'll be able to fulfill the happy, happy, happy!  I know that I really need to lighten up, but it's a bit of a problem when recovering from surgery and feeling worse than before. :)


  1. I pray that your pain becomes manageable swiftly, Ura!

    1. Спасибо, дорогой! Thanks! Kind of need those prayers at the moment, I'm afraid! xx