My eyebrow miniseries: Part 3

My Mally Eyebrow kit.

Just a few moments ago I opened up a box with an order I'd placed a few days prior on one of my favorite drugstore/beauty websites.  I'm always so excited when I receive a package.  It's about the only time, you see, that my poor memory works in my favor: I get to see what the surprise in the box is because heaven forbid I manage to remember something from one day to the next, often one hour to the next.  Receiving a package in the mail reminds me of Christmas, before I learned that there was no Santa.


The surprise was a new mascara that I'll be trying.  There have been several companies now that have come out with mascaras using the new technology of forming a tube around each lash, instead of "painting" mascara on lashes.  I so wanted to try it on immediately but remembered that tomorrow I will (hopefully) be going up to get my hair, brows and lashes done and I don't want to risk any residue on said brows and lashes to interfere with coloring/tinting.  But considering the fact that I often forgo mascara and hope that liner will suffice (it never does) this is a biggie for me. My eyes are always turning red for this reason or that and I've grown tired of mascara as one of the contributing factors to the redness. This latest attempt to find a mascara that I LOVE (as opposed to "love") is an on-going project.


But to continue with the adventures of trying to grow more eyebrow hair and lashes - or trying to deceive the world at large that I DO have them at all....


This past winter I actually started using men's foaming Rogaine.  It, Rogaine, is something I've tried on and off for years, although I'd be embarrassed to tell you the number of cans of just-started Rogaine cans/pump bottles I threw out when we had to move ourselves and everything we owned when vacating the second floor for the remodeling. Actually, the old Rogaines would probably have made a great exhibition of the progress Rogaine has made since it hit the market big-time; there seemed to be new packaging with each "improvement" to the formula.


I think my biggest problem is that I'll use it but then something will happen (a flare, a relapse, a crisis) and when life gets back to "normal," I forget all about it.  We've just started moving back into our bedroom and bath and already, as my life is slipping out of control a bit - OK, more than a bit, but more controllable than what's been the norm in the last two years - I'm finding it hard to remember to take my meds, much less remember to work Rogaine into the needed areas of my head.


However, the Rogaine on my bald spots, as well as my eyebrows, has worked out well.  And since I'll soon be mother of the groom and because I want to look my best in order to not embarrass child number two, I've moved my trip to get my hair done, etc. to now rather than later.  And I can't wait to hear from my stylist if she thinks there's been an improvement since she last saw me a couple of months ago.


Continuing with the brow-growing adventures/sage... after a while, I got a bit lazy with the Rogaine on my eyebrows routine (it DOES take a bit of concentration and focusing, not something a person with CFIDS/ME/fibro has in much abundance) so I ordered one of those eyelash enhancers.  I can see that my brows are a little bit fuller (doesn't take much...I'll never be a "before and after" picture) but whether that's from Rogaine being applied to my head and that some is getting to the brow area because of the chemicals going around, who knows?  Actually, that's a rather frightening thought, isn't it?


I have to admit that I have no idea as to why I chose the "Smartlash" eyelash enhancer over the others on the market. I do know it was from reading one of the beauty columns out there and somehow I felt I could give it a go with the brows.  After seeing that I hadn't grown a third head, I've started using it for its intended purpose, on the eyelashes.  I have noticed that the eyelashes, BTW, are a tiny bit thicker and darker, this despite the fact that I'm easing into the eyelash routine.  There are indeed two reasons for the hesitation.


Somewhere, I'd read that one of the products could change blue or green eyes to brown - and permanently.  Aside from the scary part of putting something so close to your eyes that can change your eye color, I've been hesitant because so much of my identity is tied up in the color of my eyes and I don't really want to mess things up.  If I'm in a great mood or feeling good, my eyes are green, their default color.  The better I feel and the better the mood, the greener the eyes.  If I'm in a lousy mood or very ill, the color changes to blue.  Back in the 80's, I bought green contact lenses, when they first came out in various colors, and my ever-observant hubby didn't realize I'd been wearing those suckers for at least a month.  When I asked him how he could manage to miss this, he answered, most sincerely, "I just thought you were in a great mood this past month."  I'd hate to mess up a system that my family banks on in order to judge how to treat me...gingerly or badly!  (Just kidding about the badly...somewhat?)


Getting back to brows, I've also somehow fallen into the eyebrow "shadow" approach for the past two decades, thinking that the pencils were too harsh and fake - but let me add that I'm not the greatest artist in the world!  Stila has a brow set that I think is rather nice.  My only problem is that my skin tone changes day to day and my hair color changes every time I get it done (or as it grows out!) and I need a bigger selection of colors to choose from.Stila has two colors in each of her pots, one for the lighter side and one for for the darker side of the spectrum of your hair color. However, here too, my blending skills are just not good enough for my satisfaction.


Consequently, when Bobbi Brown came out with her chocolate palette of eyeshadows a few years ago (not brow shadows, but close enough for me!), I snapped that up quickly because of the various shades I could play with.  I've got a few quads too, like Dior and Smashbox, which have brown shades included which I like to experiment with also.


Now Colorscience came out with the cutest, most convenient little brow kit I've ever come across, but the colors do NOT suit me and I'm embarrassed when I think that my second most frequently viewed post is a picture where I'd used the Colorscience.  I can't tell you how often I've wanted to change that lousy picture and wonder if I was on crack the day I posted it - JUST JOKING about the "crack" bit!!!  But I was fooling around with trying to learn how to take a picture of myself that day with my iPad, not keeping in mind that HOW I looked mattered too.  At any rate, if I could repot this compact with tins of colors I like in the right size and shape to fit the "compact," I would. I love the very slim case (and I've had many over the years), with its brushes, one my favorite miniature slant brushes for brows.  I just dislike the color immensely for my skin.  But others may find it suits, especially if there are brow hairs to begin with and only "filling in" is required, not building brows with almost no hairs, that is, having to almost start from scratch. This kit is perfect to throw in your bag.  And because I'm always losing the tiny slant brushes, I often carry the kit with me just for the brush alone.  (I know this makes no sense to the "normal" person out there but to the CFIDS/ME/fibro's I think this is somehow understandable.)


Not too long ago, I saw that Mally had come out with a nice kit, made of fabric, that holds a compact of brown brow color and an ivory highlighter.  It also holds a brush with two different brush heads on either end, and her black pencil eyeliner, which I love - it does not move after it's had a chance to set, though there is enough time to smudge it if you like before it dries completely.  I also like the kit because it can't be lost easily (it's a shiny lime-ish green) and because I can throw in one or two other (small and thin) products.  It's a bit too bulky though, so for something like flying, it most probably won't make it to my carry-on bag, though the jury's still out on that.


I think I still have one more post to do and we'll be finished with the "brow miniseries."  I've found a couple of gems that I'll describe next time.

Until then, I hope you are doing as well as can be and are going to have a great weekend!   Until next time, when, hopefully, I'll be back with great-looking brows!

Priorities in family, health and beauty...

My "little boy" is getting married!

I seem to keep putting off the completion of my eyebrow miniseries but really, it ended up having too many loose ends for me to publish it just yet.  I am, however, surprised that these posts appear to have a high readership and I'd like to thank you all.  However, there's so much I have for the subsequent eyebrow post(s) that I'm trying to cut it back a bit and chop it into smaller posts.  And, of course, what further complicates getting the series done - with no other posts breaking up the series - is that I keep getting sidetracked by other CFIDS/ME/fibro issues...or just life!


On Saturday I'm planning to get my hair done again and was (selfishly) disappointed that Lan's away.  I'm concerned that the new person won't be able to do my brows and lashes successfully and of all times to not get the person who knows you???  You see - and oh how much I'm afraid of jinxing myself (KNOCK ON WOOD!) - but I'm about to go on a HUGE trip, something I would never in a million years have imagined doing at this point in my life. 

There's been a hurt and sadness deeply rooted in the last few years.  I, at some point, really and truly suddenly realized, more or less out of the blue, that traveling will no longer be in the cards for me: that I'd never get to climb to the top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, that I'd never get to Alice Springs, nor would I be visiting St. Petersburg, or my cousins, for that matter, when the 2014 Olympics in Sochi start, so close to where my cousins live.  To show you how badly I do when traveling: hubby and I decided to do the simplest of vacations a few years back at a resort in Arizona that even had horse-back riding.  Well, it was a disastrous seven days, with me as sick as the proverbial dog, with one health problem after another: I broke out in angry red hives, I broke a tooth biting into my room service hamburger, and I've long ago suppressed all the other things that went wrong.


And yet, just as I had, in the last few weeks, resigned myself to the fact that there wouldn't be any more "exotic" vacations/trips for me, I was told by my middle child that he's getting married and soon AND in Kuala Lumpur.  And though he never expected me to be able to be there, worried about my health, I, in turn, couldn't imagine NOT being there.  So, in a frenzy, hubby spent a few days trying to locate my passport (remodeling strikes again!) as I tried to figure out which route to take, the dates involved, which airline(s) to use, how to swing it all financially. Finally, after a couple of days and nights of no sleep (what else is new, right?) my brain finally gave in, turned off the malfunctioning sleep switch and I was able to take a nap.  When I woke up, hubby had found the missing passport (it was exactly where I told him it would be!) and had booked a flight for me for my trip.  We both knew that every bit of damage done to me in this latest adventure of mine will well be worth it.  Besides, I would never be able to live with myself if I didn't do this.


And this SHOULD be quite interesting.  I'm traveling alone, since there are a few serious family crises/issues that need addressing (Murphy's Law!) plus hubby is not able to leave work at the moment.  Consequently, I'll have to rely on the airport people to meet me at each gate with a wheelchair and to get me to the connecting flight in time (with no time at duty-free shopping?  Just kill me right now!).  Hubby bought me business class tickets because we know that this will be a major shock to my system (I'll be running on adrenaline, which has not kicked in yet for the packing...). I'm just so weak and lethargic, my voice a croak, my muscles aching and so forth, but hopefully business class will make things go a bit more smoothly.


In general, CFIDS'ers shouldn't even be flying much at all and I have long wanted to post on this topic alone, but I'm still doing research.  Going by past experiences I know that this trip will keep me in bed for a couple of years since each time I've done this sort of insane thing, I've returned home with some new sort of nasty "thing" that no one could have foreseen and run down beyond comprehension.  But I don't really mind: it's always wonderful to spend time with my children, no matter where they may be in the world! (That sounds as sappy as an answer in a beauty contest!  Sorry!)


So, my boy is getting married and I cannot imagine not being there!  (I just had to repeat that because I'm still trying to get used to the idea!)


In order to get my engines revved up, yesterday and today I've been reading as much as possible on making travel easier, as well as "stalking" YouTube.  I'm following advice from Ruth the model, Sali Hughes of The Guardian, makeup artist Lisa Eldridge, as well as others: they are now my guides, my inspiration in all things packing and beauty.  And perhaps the best of their tips: how to do a great DIY beauty routine on long-haul flights!   Considering I have twelve time zones to get through, I have a feeling I'll be able to do several treatments.  But packing?  That is going to be a challenge since I freely admit to the universe: I am an awful packer.  My son immediately notified me that I can buy anything and everything I want/need in KL...having traveled with me too often and knowing just how much luggage I can lug around, often borrowing parts of others' suitcases. (Sadly, true!)


And there are so many things to take care of, as a person with a chronic illness.  Although I have an almost pathological fear of flying, for the first time ever, I'm actually looking forward to the flying part of the trip because I look forward to the DIY beauty routines.  I may even get adventurous and fool around with makeup, who knows? (Joke at my expense!)  Though I am a bookworm, I've never been able to read on a plane, not even the truly awful magazines my daughter seems to buy in bulk for travel, which take very few brain cells to comprehend. I feel as if I'm in a straitjacket when flying so I have high hopes for the DIY spa experience to make the time go by faster.  And I'm now carefully selecting/packing/agonizing over what should be in my carry-on (all meds, of course, but which skincare products, which cosmetics?), what is the proper size of the check-in bag and its weight, questions like "do I actually lock my suitcases since they need to be inspected along the way," yet it's scary not to lock them?  I'm also trying to figure out exactly what the restrictions for carry-ons in general are all about.  And I must not forget to pick up the letter from my doctor explaining to customs which medications I'm on and why, in order to not get thrown into a prison, never to be seen again. I also have to figure out how to give myself the HGH shots.  Eek!  I've never done the whole process myself: the few times I did the injections, the needles were already loaded. Plus I need to figure out how to carry my meds refrigerated for such a long time and distance. Finally, I have to make sure that I have enough meds to get me through the time away: some prescriptions will most likely end on a day I'm away, so we need to work with those concerned in order to insure that I have the doses needed.


So, getting back to hair, lashes and brows.  Although I don't have an appointment with Lan, I do have an appointment with someone else to do my brows and lashes.... And I truly need this: a) to deflect from my age spots (hyperpigmentation)  and b) I don't know how much makeup I'll be able to handle in KL - it must be murder wearing full warpaint in an area where the temps hover around the 100 degrees mark (we ARE at the equator, after all) with very high humidity to boot. I most certainly need those brows and lashes darkened in order to not scare any child unfortunate enough to cross my path.


I have a week before I'm off, so if anyone has any brilliant ideas to make this trip safer, easier, even feasible (!) please let me know.  The airlines change policies so often that it's hard to keep up. I worry about the water factor. I used to bring an entire carry-on with water and when I finished that, I'd then start asking the flight attendant for water. I actually had one refuse me water, saying I'd had two people's quotas!   So, there's a concern for you!  CFIDS/ME and water, after all, go hand in hand!


Another part of me fears a repeat of what happened at my daughter's college graduation.  Just as the class was coming in, accompanied by absolutely beautiful and stirring music -  I was being carried out because I kept sliding off the chair and "semi-passing out" (the HGH approval was moving very slowly though "the systems," the "t's" not yet crossed the "i" not yet dotted, so I was basically dying at that point and had to be hospitalized as soon as we got home).  I remember thinking the whole time, "at least it's just a graduation ceremony and not her wedding!"


Because of this fear, I'm arriving in Kuala Lumpur almost a week ahead of the wedding so that my long-haul plane ride will have been forgotten and my witty, charming self will shine through! ;)


If I can figure out how to blog from KL, I hope to give tips on traveling, or keep you up on events as they happen.  And I cannot believe I'll actually be in Communist China for layovers...in Shanghai and Beijing.  How I'd love to run out of the airport building and just take in the atmosphere for an hour or so, remembering very well when Nixon and Kissinger made the monumental steps of "opening" China.

Even when you're extremely sick with whatever kind of illness, it's difficult to give up those activities that you loved and learned as a child and have developed marvelous muscle memory for.  I love adventure, I love learning, I love people watching and I love my family.  It's difficult to come to terms with the fact that your can't do all the things you love any longer, just because of a lousy illness, or if doing them, doing them only in "heavy" moderation.  


But you know what?  Sometimes it just gets to be too much, all this hyper-vigilance over ourselves.  It gets to be a pain having to factor in what was eaten, what was said, monitoring anxiety levels, predicting pain levels, noticing every bit of minutiae which, as it so often turns out, is NOT minutiae at all but can often be the most important part/factor of your life, the one worth living for.  Because as I wrote in my previous post, I don't want to live in a cage, even if the cage is gilded.  To me, if the event is humongous enough and if it's well worth the price, I'll gladly pay later for all I've gone through.  And for me, my son's wedding is definitely worth the price, even halfway around the world.


Help???!!??


P.S.  I went back and made a few changes to the original post.  My brain was definitely way too fogged up this morning when I typed it out.  Apologies to all.



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I DO treasure that which remains behind....

...That though the radiance which was once so bright 
Be now for ever taken from my sight, 
  Though nothing can bring back the hour 
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;  
  We will grieve not, rather find 
  Strength in what remains behind....
     ~William Wordsworth  (from "Ode to Intimations of Immortality")

It may seem absolutely ridiculous to some out there that a person who is supposedly so sick that she's bed ridden and, for huge stretches of times, is in bed 24/7, who can no longer cook for herself, who can't eat sitting up, who has a hard time talking/dealing with more than one person in the room at a time thanks to sensory overload, should be so interested in such trivial subjects as eyebrows. When I wrote part 1 of the miniseries, an hour after I hit the "publish" button, I was so embarrassed, thinking, "Good grief [actually my real words have been cleaned up], if someone stumbled onto this site right now, they'd wonder how and why someone so supposedly ill would go on and on about such trivia?"  If she's THAT sick, the thinking would probably go, shouldn't she somehow be out there participating in the name change of this awful illness?  Shouldn't she be using her time, and the energy she does have, more profitably on patient advocacy...or any number of other lofty issues/problems?

My answer is that I'm tired of living in that world of only going into the noblest of discussions and activity.  I've now lived with an illness that has so devastated me and robbed me of the "core Irene" that I am an Irene my husband never really knew, and my children don't remember, the more energetic, albeit already sick, mom.  It breaks my heart when I find out that my oldest often tells the stories to the youngest (and they are only three years apart in age) of what mom was like when she wasn't AS sick as I've been for the past twenty five years of the thirty seven years I've had this DD.

Just for a while, I'd like to live in a world not dominated, every single moment, by CFIDS/ME/fibro and its many parasitic hangers-on, as in severe insomnia, pain, light/sound/smell sensitivity, falls, swollen lymph nodes, migraines, tinnitus, BP craziness, neuropathy, IBS, the daily shots...the list goes on and on.

Furthermore, I think that for most of us, we generally DO feel better around beauty.

The other day, I happened to test out a new nail polish.  Given my limitations with "the Claw," I decided I'd paint only my left hand's fingernails.  After all, I just wanted to get an idea of how the color looked on me, the way it goes on, would there be a streaking problem.... I told myself (yes, I often talk to myself and hubby is always saying, "What? What?" not, altogether sounding much different than Ozzie Osborne - oh sweetie, you know I love you!) that I needn't give myself a  perfect manicure. I knew that trying the perfect manicure at that time would only lead to frustration because my left hand is still a huge problem, now, six months post-surgery. I told myself to just slap it on and then take it off after a day or so, and that later, when finally in the mood (come on!  It COULD happen!) I would then go the "perfect" manicure route.

And so last night as I was actually reading a book (yes!  Hallelujah!) and holding my Kindle with my right hand but clicking those pages forward with the left while lying on my customary right side, I suddenly noticed how pretty the nail color was, how perfect it looked on my hand and that this color has the potential of being a "really good" buy.  It put me in a great mood for a few moments, much better than a host of psychiatrists, psychologists, or life guidance coaches could ever hope to achieve, including my GP, my hubby and even my kids.  It's because I saw something pretty, with the same reaction that I feel WHENEVER I see something pretty...be it a daffodil, a vacuumed, dusted and sheet-changed bed and bedroom (MINE, of course!) or a pair of cool boots (though we won't go THERE for a while!)

I know it's superficial to to be hung up on one's looks too much.  And despite all appearances, I really am not crazily so.  Yes, I may be a bit of a beauty product junkie, but we all need to have a side of us that's not always focusing on the bad, nor problem-solving the world, nor the awfulness of this illness and what phase we're in with this DD.  A long time ago, decades actually, I wrote that it's not right to compare the CFIDS/ME/fibro suffering to any other suffering because ALL SUFFERING is suffering and it all hurts.  What we need to do is find a way to live with it, to minimize it.

I've found that in my life, I'm always looking for ways of improving my condition.  If I can, for example, eliminate carbs from my diet and see a .05% improvement, then another .15% improvement from massage therapy, then you know what? - I'm going for it!  It's all a matter of good old arithmetic and common sense.  If you add all the tiny bits of help - this, that and the other - soon you have an improvement of 5%.  And that 5% can make you or break you sometimes. Add more little improvements, and soon you're doing 7% better, add another "successful" med... I think you can see where I'm going.

I suppose this is where I get the most frustrated and upset and even angry: when I'm told by ANYONE, be it dietitians, doctors, "friends," family member outside of the immediate family circle, that I should try this and that.  I meaning I've had this illness for thirty seven (expletive!) years.  How stupid do they think I am when I'm told I should do this and that, by some very rigid people who have, when all is said and done, absolutely no idea what is happening to me internally.  They may see some symptoms, but not all.  My close ones, the immediate family, however, know when I've gotten too sick, be it from the blue to colorless lips, the slur that appears in my speech, the balance problems, the difficulty I have finding a word, the sweat covering my face and scalp and then the rest of me, the dry mouth which makes my teeth and tongue stick to my mouth so it's almost impossible to talk, the croaking sound that comes out when I'm so exhausted or under such pressure that my throat constricts.

Case in point and wow, this is a huge bugaboo of mine: exercise and pacing do NOT work, for ME!!!!  (Boy!  That felt good to say!)  Normally I do not advocate violence but sometimes I just want to smack someone "upside the head" when I hear the THEORY of exercise and pacing.  Been there, done that, long before many of those propagating this advice were even born!  What's more, I've come up with coping mechanisms which I thought were what anyone would give a try, only to find out that no, they're quite unique.  My daughter calls it being an actress and says I should get an Oscar.  I don't mean to employ dozens of tricks that make me appear "normal" to most...it just happens.  It's been evolving for decades and I can't even begin to explain them to you, just as I could never begin to explain how it is that I breath, I eat...it just IS, it just happens.

And understand, that I'm in no way saying anything negative which anyone here reading this blog has offered in the way of help.  I've started on my evening primrose oil, made as a suggestion by my old HS friend reading my blog and I think I see an improvement, though I can't yet be sure because I only got to it a week or so after the suggestion was made and then I forget half the time.  I've called my doctors and questioned the histamine angle only to be told that yes, that's been ruled out and often.  These observations and comments are made by those who don't just blithely say, "honey, if you'd just get your Be-Hind out of bed, you'd be healed!"  I feel no judgement on their part, as I've felt no judgement on any one's part who has offered suggestions here.

Besides, presumably, anyone giving me a suggestion here on this blog has actually read enough of some of my most deepest thoughts regarding CFIDS/ME/fibro and has read enough of my history to at least make a suggestion that makes sense.  It's the out-of-nowhere suggestions that are depressing and frustrating.  It's the rigid suggestions, like the ones that claim anyone and everyone who has CFIDS/ME/fibro will be helped by exercise, because it just isn't so with me...and I know it's not so for a lot of people out there.  I get so angry sometimes by that old chestnut of "You must do this," "you can't do that."  So many of us already experience so much guilt and on so many levels: do we really need more?  And God save us from those who think that if we tried things with more effort, we'd be magically cured.  I don't even want to go there!!!

I mourn the loss of the old Irene.  I hate all the things that have been taken away from me, a bit at a time, like baking bread a few times a week, gardening every day, visiting with friends and so on.  But I still have a lot of good things happening to me and I try to keep those things in mind.

And yes, I want to be more than this illness.  I hate that illness defines me in so many ways.  Sometimes, I admit, I do things I probably should never attempt, but really, how much can one be caged, even in a gilded one?

And so, knowing that beauty helps me cope - beauty of all sorts: the beauty of a wonderfully phrased paragraph in a book I happen to be reading, the beauty of flowers in bloom, the beauty of the hills around the town I live in, the beauty of a clean and organized, dirt/dust-free room, the beauty of the engineering of a particular product...well, I'm going to go on with trying to appreciate those things as long as I can, because for me, it adds to the quality of my life.  This seeing of beauty in what remains behind makes me usually realize that life is good and pursuing the good things in life is often what keeps life worth living.

My eyebrow miniseries: Part 2

Teaser: some of the items to be discussed in my next post!

And so, welcome back to my continuing saga of the eyebrow, my "miniseries"!  


I happened to ask my immunologist the other day what exactly causes so many of us with CFIDS/ME to have so much hair loss, and he said that he thinks no one really knows, though stress seems to be the most popular theory. I happen to agree, but that alone can be an entire series, including the fact that it is not "psychological" stress, as too many in the "shrink" world would love to convince us, but the stress(es) of CFIDS/ME/fibro, the immunological and neurological ones, to be more precise.  But on to today's continued topic of eyebrows.  Ah yes, I can tell everyone is waiting with bated breath!


As to why some of us have sparse brows and some of us have full ones...well, that's always boggled my mind, thanks to my mom and my daughter.  My mom and daughter both have beautiful Brooke Shields brows (as well as hair and strong nails) that are often the envy of many and when it comes to cutting hair, they give their hair stylists a complete workout.  I've always looked at their hair and brows and marveled at how people with similar genes can have such different characteristics.  But the hair and brow sparsity I'm experiencing has now reached an entire new low because of CFIDS/ME and even the fibromyalgia.  So, I've given up on "hair envy" and just deal with what I've got, just happy for my mom and daughter.


Consequently, over the past ten years or so, I've been on almost desperate hunt for "help."  I have bought many kits, pencils and my favorite route: eye and brow shadows in colors and finishes/polishes that "help" somewhat. You name it and I've most likely tried it.


I think my desperation reaches its highest heights when I start to seriously think about and then finally talk about and consider the whole tattoo route.  Understand, I think tattoos are a horrid trend and despair that they've become so mainstream.  Hollywood has a LOT of answer for, especially since they started this craze and just as it caught on big time, so many of those in Hollywood began getting their tattoos taken off by means of extremely expensive and often painful laser treatments.  We are going to have an awful lot of ugly looking body parts once sagging strikes that young segment of our population that's been most influenced by this fad.  Shudder: think of the drooping Chinese bits of philosophy that are so precisely embedded into a body part that will soon look more like ragged and misshapen scrolls as opposed to the sweet little straight-lined rectangular paragraphs they start out to be.  No one should use tattoos as a means of decorating the body (sorry if my age is showing in this one aspect of life) but in my case, for all too many reasons, even I have seriously considered getting my eyebrows area tattooed, even seriously considered getting a fake eyeliner effect!  Of course, I would only go to a doctor or to a tattoo artist recommended by a physician and not simply a tattoo parlor on Main Street, USA.  Here are the sorts of things I ponder and which hold me back, or on the other hand, won't leave my mind as a possibility:

• Do I really want to be stuck with the same kind of brows for the rest of my life?  Brows are like everything else: they change just as fashion changes.
• Do I really want to mess up my face?  I'm not sure it will be done "right," aesthetically.
• My hair color never stays the same.  I'm always adding more highlights and lowlights depending on my mood.  Tattooed eyebrows could limit my choices.
• What ARE the possible health risks, even the ones not yet imagined?
• I don't have enough problems with my vision?  I should go and risk things even more with tattoos in such a sensitive and crucial area?

I suppose the tattoo thing has really been on my mind because I've actually had a few discussions about this on plane rides, of all places, and I'm not one to do much talking with fellow passengers, knowing it's a pain to have a Chatty Cathy sitting next to you.  However, at least four or five women sitting next to me have filled in their brows or had their eyelids tattooed, or both (yes! what an incredible number, especially considering how rarely I fly!) and couldn't be happier.  What's more, they've all been older than me...close to my mom's age.  Now that is definitely mind-boggling and has given me pause as to why I've not gone this route.  I suspect I'm simply scared my luck wouldn't hold and, besides, I'm still trying to somehow manage to get to some really needed doctor's appointments, so I suppose the whole tattoo thing really is low on my list, even in the investigation category, as I seem to use my brain - when it's not fogged up - for more pressing issues.  But a girl can dream....

On the other hand finding Lan in Pittsburgh has done wonders.  As I've written about before (on March 27 and on April 9) Lan can get every single one of the very few brow hairs I DO have to accept color (for some reason, my brow hairs have a hard time absorbing color) and she has a very good and gentle hand with the hair removal so that I've not had the burns that can lead to the unfortunate double brow scenario described in Part 1 of this "miniseries."  After Lan does my brows I am in "face bliss" for about four weeks.  The brows aren't bad for six weeks, especially if I'm careful as to how much product is used to clean my face, not over-washing and over-scrubbing the brows.  However, I still do need to use pencil or brow shadow to help. The dyeing of brows and the removal of stray brow hairs is just good for a fuller look, a guide to see where to go and to make me feel more human when I don't use makeup, which is most days.  Finally, I might add that sparse brows, for anyone, age you: brows often do get more sparse as we age and this is one reason the eyebrow market has been so successful in recent years.  Unfortunately, the CFIDS/ME people have a lot more "filling in" to do.  

Lately, because of energy and health considerations, I can't run up to Lan often enough.  Since I'm happiest when those lashes are done I have put down finding someone a bit closer to home on my to-do list since getting out of the house (bed!) is getting to be harder and getting to Pittsburgh is almost a journey.  I do worry, however, about how safe anyone else would be.

And so, these are my desperate thoughts and slightly desperate measures for the approach to my almost "non-existent" brows problem.  My next post will deal with the less desperate measures.  That is, unless I remember some other aspects of this subject that needs discussing first...not a stretch considering how multi-faceted beauty is and how difficult it is to achieve, especially for those with chronic medical considerations.

Until next time!   And I hope everyone's feeling as well as can be!  

The beginning of my "eyebrow" series, part 1

This picture has nothing to do with today's post: I just wanted to put it in because of yesterday's enjoyment of watching the festivities of the Queen's Diamond Jubilee and all the BBC specials.

To say that I have very sparse eyebrows is to be kind.  It's another result of this stupid, stupid illness.  In fact, I didn't know, for the longest time, that the reason my hair in general was thinning and falling out was caused by my CFIDS/ME.  Oh, this didn't happen all in one single day or even in a year.  It's been a decades-long process as this "imaginary illness" has silently been devastating my body (and my brain).


My quest for trying to "fix" my eyebrow problem has shown no bounds, it seems.  I've not taken an official count of the brow sets, pencils, shadows, gels and other paraphernalia I own, or other methods I've tried, in my quest to find an answer to this problem, but it HAS been a long road.


To give you an idea of how pathetic my brows are, here is a story for you.  I include it because I'm a strong believer in the school of "knowledge is power" and with this DD, we need all the power we can get!


Eons ago, I'd been going to a local person to get my hair done, and decided on one visit that I'd have my brows waxed, for the first time ever. The thinking (if indeed there WAS any real thought involved) was that with the peach fuzz gone, I could see just enough brow hairs to work with...that is, if I remembered to use a large mirror with a magnified side as well as lights.  Anything short of this was either an impossibility or, on the other side of the spectrum, the end result would show great promise if I ever decided to become a clown and go to clown school. Not surprisingly, my brows had become the longest part of my make-up routine - precisely because I most certainly did NOT want the clown school of brows.


Well, the person who was to do my waxing asked if I wanted to color my brows as well.  Did I?  Great idea, thought I!  However, there was a blip involved in this two-things-in-one-go method.  The "abuse" of my fragile skin, that is, coloring my brows as well as having them waxed at the same time, tore up the area and the result was burns.  


That night at dinner, my middle child, the one who notices the weirdest things, said, "MOM!  What happened to your face?"  Note, he said, "face"?  Said child was about eight years old at the time.  I started to explain that I'd decided to get my eyebrows done (trying to think quickly as to how to explain to an eight year old what "waxing" meant) when middle child might well have gotten whiplash from his head jerking around so fast from the double-take as he said, "you mean YOU have eyebrows?" and started to carefully check out my face with the same fascination he had when finding bugs in the woods or by a creek and tried training them to do tricks.  I might have gotten upset by such a statement but the innocent boy was just so genuinely surprised that I couldn't even feel hurt.


But what DID hurt was the unfortunate timing: I needed to renew my driver's license within the next week. The poor fellow taking the photos really tried his best to minimize the "wound look" which made it appear as if I were sporting two strange sets of brows.  NO makeup is good enough to cover that sort of facial mishap, and certainly not with the sort of camera that the State police used for those photos.  This was a MOST unfortunate driver's license, which I then had to carry for entirely too many years and caused MANY double-takes when, say, an innocent store clerk needed to see my ID when I wrote out a check.  I even got to the point where I'd warn people before they saw the picture, not wanting to be responsible for any more whiplash than absolutely necessary, but really, there was NO preparing for such a sight.  


So, brows have been a sore subject with me, especially in the last few years because as I get older, the brows get more sparse.  


As I said, this story shows just how much we need to be aware of what changes this DD can do to our bodies and is a cautionary tale which I've written about quite a bit in earlier posts: we need to be so careful with what we do to our skin, to our very selves.  Once this illness sinks it's teeth into us, we are no longer the person we were before. However, the bright spot is that knowledge is power and we need that knowledge and power in order to be armed to defeat the blasted enemy, and not allow it to break down our self-esteem nor our will to thrive!


The results of this eyebrow journey (sounds like so much fun, no?) will be revealed further along in what I'm calling my "eyebrows" series.  Given that we are living in the age of what I call the "eyebrow era," when brows are making brow people into almost celebrities, and wealthy ones at that (think of the fortune Anastasia has amassed!) and you'll see we're in the midst of a most unfortunate era for those of us with sparse brows.  I mean, it would have been so much easier on us if Mona Lisa's brows (or lack of them) were now in style.  Alas, such is not the case.  So, in my next post(s) I'll talk and give names of products that have helped me.  


Ta ta!  Till our next "talk." 

Naming names in the best formulas for sleepwear a la CFIDS/ME/fibro...

Wearing a very loose gown made of cotton - oh how I loved the gown and my friend and I tried to (unsuccessfully) replicate it!   Seen here: the pure joy of having a baby!

And so, as promised a few days ago, I have rounded up a list of the brands/designers who I feel relatively safe ordering through the Internet, having had pretty good luck with them...that is, I don't often have to return an item.  Actually, this is the third rewrite of this post because after my first "attempt," I decided to order a few nightgowns to test my tips.  The results are in and have been incorporated into the suggestions below.

I've declared my "formula" before, that is, my favorite fabrics, cotton being king, and my love especially for cotton jersey knit because of maneuverability in bed and the bed linens.  Tank type nightgowns are the way to go as far I'm concerned, with no lace, embroidery, or other embellishments because they irritate. 

Furthermore, nightgowns are the way to go if you have problems with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) because then there is no pressure around the belly area, and as stated in my earlier post with my "formula," they should be at least tea-length or there may be psychological trauma for all involved if that gown goes up too high when bending over, caught in bed with gown twisted up to waist, etc.  Please spare your loved ones (and especially the NOT loved ones like a plumber in the house you weren't aware of - it CAN happen!) the trauma.  Anyway, without further ado:

• Hanro nightgowns, especially the tank style.  Although, unfortunately, they aren't a jersey, they are a beautifully luxurious mercerized cotton, very smooth and almost silky without the problems that come with silk.  I try to keep the bleach to a minimum with these gowns but sometimes the temptation is just too strong and so I have a couple that started out a beautiful soft robin's egg blue (which I always think of as "Princess Diana blue") but are now white.  They're uber-expensive yes (huh! she says, "exhorbitably so") but I find that they last forever.  I have a couple that have got to be at least eight years old and and are worn regularly, not to mention abused.  Hubby sees these gowns as "go-to's" for Christmas presents and Mother's Day gifts - bless his desperate heart!  

Addendum: In order to do my research for this blog (HA!) I ordered a short one and it also had sleeves.  Yes, I should know by now (over fifteen years of buying Hanro) that this was a potential failure.  How wrong was I? INCREDIBLY.  The sleeves were bothersome, though a cute and wonderful length for fall, winter and very early spring - IN CLOTHING, not in sleepwear.  The fabric was the heaviest I've experienced with Hanro.  I'm definitely sticking to the plain white and the longer length.  I looked preggers with the pleating below the buttons and my stomach was NOT bloated today!  No embellishments is definitely now seared into my head.  I'm very sad.

• Natori - moving right along - is well known for it's silk (and polyester) super outrageously-priced gowns, but will occasionally come out with a simple knit white tank gown.  When they do, I snap them up.  Unfortunately, this has happened only once or twice, but I keep hoping that it'll happen again soon!  (Hope springs eternal, anyone?)  

Addendum:  I ordered a tank type of gown in a beautiful rich purple and am debating about keeping it.  It has a "built in bra" that I may find too irritating.  On the other hand, I do have one gown with a built in bra that I love, but again, I rarely wear it.  

• Ralph Lauren comes out with a nice couple of cotton knit nightgowns each year but you have to keep an eye out for them and order immediately.  They disappear as soon as they show up on the Ralph Lauren website or on Nordstrom's or Macy's sites too. They last for years.  

Addendum: I ordered one and thought it would be long enough: only if I were a pre-teen!  And what was I thinking when I went for ruffles too?  Desperation (and the great photography, stylers and models) will get you every time. This was most certainly a cautionary tale!  

• Donna Karan, Calvin Klein and Dior:  I've lumped these three designers together because it is almost impossible to find any of these designers any longer in nightwear and most certainly with the "CFIDS/ME/fibro restrictions."  Please, if anyone out there happens to know how to get word to any of these designers, please ask them to get back to designing more nightgowns too.  I used to bank on their gowns and am really upset that they seem to have stopped designing nightgowns, or at best, rarely so.  I did find one by Donna Karan a few days ago and immediately ordered it.  It was almost enough to make me jump out of bed and do a jubilation dance!  

Addendum: Regarding the Donna Karan: what the heck???  The fabric (black) was completely see-through even before trying it on.  There was some awful ruching in the back of the neck, plus the gown went out and then in, tulip shape.  Really, Donna????  Oh, I can just see every single CFIDS/ME/fibro-er out there tripping on every step taken.  My heart is broken.

• Eileen West:  After such a great success with the pink tank jersey one I bought a couple of months ago, I was ready for experimentation.

Addendum: Two came in and unfortunately, they were failures, but again, I was experimenting, hoping to find something besides my beloved cotton tank long gowns. They were really large and I was swimming in them.  The lace around the neck was bothersome.  This is what I get for tweaking with my "formula."  

• Nautica:  Ah!  Finally, my experimentation worked in my favor.  I've never bought Nautica before but when I saw the tank, long, no frills, and 100% cotton and a jersey, I couldn't resist and I'm thrilled. The one I bought is a green and blue stripe (stripes are so "in" now but I hate to think what they'll look like in a season or two?  They ARE going the "wrong" way and so difficult to wear though I have a couple of dresses in stripes: to be worn WHERE, exactly?  Oh that's right: to the doctor's!)  

OK, back to topic.  So, I've learned a very good but expensive and time-wasting lesson.  Expensive because now those charges are on my credit card and will need to be refunded.  Time-consuming because hubby will need to do returns for me.  On the other hand, going to the store would have been even MORE time-consuming (I thought to myself as I was trying those gowns on with the a/c broken and wanting to cry from the sheer exhaustion).

Of course, there's also the boxer shorts/tank top combination to wear, but if you suffer from IBS the bloating and indeed, sensitivity around the waistline in general, it may be a bit hard to deal with.  I also keep a couple of PJ's on hand, just for variety and every-once-in a-while, and wear a tank top while using the top of the PJ's as a bed jacket as my body temperature does its St. Vitus Dance throughout the day.  

I have found that keeping down the carbs helps me with the IBS and temperature fluctuations, so you may want to see if there are any foods that contribute to your IBS.  I'm convinced that each person has foods that help them/harm them and these foods vary with each person.  Gosh: not too off-topic, am I?

Anyone out there with any ideas of comfy sleepwear that works as "live wear"?  Let us know.  Don't be shy!

Thanks for stopping in and hopefully there were a few pointers to make your life easier.  I'm hoping that the day is treating you well, or as well as can be!

Adventures with eye doctors: bait and switch!

One of the few pictures of me in my glasses...helping out my daughter's 3rd grade teacher.

My world has been jarred again as I see disturbing trends in our medical system, trends that immediately affect my health and the health of anyone who is a "complex patient," not your run-of-the-mill broken arm, kidney stones, nor dog bite, as examples.  Suddenly we have all sorts of health professionals who I have no idea what the heck their position is, much less what their training is.  What is the difference, for example, between a physician's assistant and a physician's nurse practitioner - and these are just two practioner titles being bounced about, with more being created each day.  And suddenly we are getting every type of semi-doctor out there "treating" us when what we really need, and even request, is an MD.


To me the titles I'm encountering are as frustrating as trying to figure out the hierarchy and function of the "dust man" on the moon to the "sweeping man" on the moon.  I don't care for this trend, as you can see.  In fact, after all the time I've spent in hospitals, as well as going to so many doctors from all over the eastern part of the US, and then all the other hospitals we dealt with in my daughter's care in the Midwest, my head's been spinning trying to figure out who all these "semi-doctors," (often at best) are, and why they can charge my insurance company for a doctor's visit when the visit was by someone who is NOT a doctor.


Ah, I know you are wondering what does anything to do with anything?  But as I tell my children, bear with me...there is always a method to my madness.


I must say that, to me, one of the most frustrating aspects of CFIDS/ME and fibromyalgia is that we really and truly are in the caveman era as far as understanding this illness when it come to "eye health."  In general, I think we're in the Middle Ages when it comes to understanding this awful illness that has devastated so many lives, but in regard to eye care, we are definitely back in the caveman era.


But first let's get onto the same page here. When I was growing up, we were always taught/told in very clear terms, the difference between an ophthalmologist and an optometrist....and that you definitely had to go to an ophthalmologist to have your eyes checked.  Only if/when you were cleared for all sorts of exotic and not-so-exotic eye diseases and disorders, and IF you needed glasses (as was always the case for me), were you then sent on your merry way to the optometrist.  And mind you, the optometrist was the "poor man's option," which even my immigrant parents who made so little money never settled for: eyes were sacred.


And so, I grew up, and hubby and I united in marriage and had our typical American family. I, as well as my hubby and my children, always went to an ophthalmologist for "eye health."  It was hammered into us that an ophthalmologist is an MD who understands the entire "picture" of the eye, whereas optometrists, with all due respect, only have a degree in glasses and were trained to see if there are obvious problems like glaucoma, etc. Granted, in relatively recent years optometrists are also being trained in certain eye diseases and disorders and thus been allowed to perform some procedures and treat some illnesses, dependent upon which state they practice in. It's kind of scary to me to have semi-doctor treating my eyes, but hey, it's SUPPOSEDLY my choice if I want to pay the whopping fee for a physician (hopefully) or go the less expensive and lesser-trained route of the optometrist.


All in all, I must add, these distinctions are a simple explanation just to suffice for our intents and purposes here today.  Oh I know that there are those out there who can pick out bits of errors here and there, but for my purposes, this distinction is enough, to get us all onto the same page, as I mentioned above.


My experience, my family's experience, my friends' experiences have always been that when you needed glasses, the testing and prescriptions were handled by the ophthalmologist unless he/she had an optometrist on the premises who would do the test to establish what the corrective lenses numbers were in order to get glasses and/or contact lenses.  But on the whole, we've always had a eye exam for glasses done by the MD after he/she closely examined the eye for any diseases, or other problems.  Ay!  It is sooo hard to avoid stepping on people's toes here. But darn it, the truth must be addressed.


When my eyes go funky, I know it's just the illness, but still, it's rather disconcerting.  I feel that when it comes to our vision problems - agh! in addition to all the other problems we need to juggle - we're so busy putting out other fires that consequently vision is crazily put on the back burner.  However, there gets to be a point where the symptoms we experience finally hammer us down to where we DO need to see an eye doctor.


The problem is - I'm now learning - that with the rare exception, our vision problems for the "normal" person are no longer on the radar of the VAST majority of ophthalmologists because seemingly no eye doctors (MD's) seem to care about "us," the non-challenging, non-surgical patients.  I'm not sure just how long this has been the case.  But what, perhaps, may be even more frustrating, is trying to find an ophthalmologist who has even heard of CFIDS/ME and fibro - or even cares!  In other words, they don't give a poop and they want to make a ton of money from surgical procedures with their high reimbursements and don't care about underlying diseases, the "thinking" part of their practice, for which they do NOT get very "good" reimbursements.  So, in a way, shame on us for allowing these procedures to be highly reimbursed and shame on us for allowing the "thinking" appointments to be shabbily reimbursed.


It really frightens me, when I allow myself to think about it, that there's been no one in the vision field who understands what the implications of these illnesses are on the eye.  Without understanding, how are we to insure the health of our eyes?


For the last fifteen years or so, I've had the sorts of vision problems that all of "us" have.


How many problems do we have with our eyes?  Oh, it sometimes seems as if the troubles are endless. Aside from the pesky problem of having to wear glasses and the constant changing of frames every few years, we also have dry eye to contend with, as well as vision that fluctuates from day to day, often from hour to hour.  We have light sensitivity, we have focusing problems.


But basically, what we have wrong is that the signal the brain sends to our eyes is all screwed up.  There are a host of reasons as to how our eyes will do day to day, and I think that it depends an awful lot on how much sleep we get or don't get, as well as how ill we are and whether we're in a healthier state than usual, or are in the midst of a flare, under-stressed, over-stressed - the permutations are endless.


I'm smack in the middle of having my old eye doctor retire and not having found a new one.  One of the reasons for the problems in finding a new eye doctor is that suddenly ophthalmologists are too .... well, "high and mighty" might fit the bill.  When I last went to see a new eye doctor, hubby specifically told the receptionist that we wanted/needed an appointment with an ophthalmologist and not an optometrist.  I'm now speaking of the doctor who I thought might have been hitting the bottle on the side (as described in my March 1 post). 


After a very complete history was filled in during the waiting room experience and then an extremely bizarre examination, my eyes were finally dilated.  As we were waited for the doctor to come back to finish the exam, I was so bored that I actually started reading the various diplomas on the wall and for a moment thought I was hallucinating when I saw that the doctor was not an ophthalmologist, but an optometrist.  Wow!  I couldn't believe my brazenness when I asked her, upon her return to the room, "are you a MD?"  I really couldn't believe my ears when she said, that, no, she was NOT an MD.  And how was I to see the MD?  Well, she, the optometrist made the decision as to whether or not a MD's time was warranted and he only saved his time for interesting cases and surgeries.  Given that we had taken a disliking to one another by now (my having "called" her on not being an MD), we both knew that there was NO way that I'd get to see the MD.  Interestingly enough, hubby had no "interesting" problems a few months earlier, but HE was given an appointment with the MD.  Hmmm.  


How I wanted to tell her just how interesting my case was!  When I went to the "get your glasses in one hour place" at the mall, after the fiasco of the unique experience of having two sets of wrong prescriptions and having to sit through another optometrist's exam, I discovered that the situation I found myself in was not unusual.  The optometrist who had to redo all the work of the previous optometrist told me quite frankly, "Good luck finding an MD who'll do an eye exam these days or look at anything but the most interesting cases which they deem fascinating or not."


How crazy is that?   And how is that that NO ONE reads charts any more, much less the histories that we patients spend how much time filling out?  


I've been on daily shots of pitocin (oxytocin) for at least fifteen years now.  There is no test that can measure if you have an adequate amount of pitocin in your body or not.  Given that my body is so messed up, my GP and I thought that there was a good chance that the pitocin in my body was low.  Add to that the fact that my first baby was a week late and was a mid-forceps delivery, that baby #2 didn't come out for three weeks and then had to be induced with intravenous pitocin and baby #3 was induced and then had to be extracted with a vacuum device.... Well, the chances were high that I did have a pitocin problem.  Unfortunately, no one's really sure what pitocin does in a body.  Everyone DOES know you need it in order to push out a baby, and there is anecdotal evidence that eyesight is affected by pitocin, but even there, we're into some murky territory.


The only real way to know if you are pitocin-deficient is to get a shot of pitocin.  If your vision improves in ten minutes, then you're in luck: it's a problem that can perhaps be remedied by a daily shot of pitocin.  And so, each day I get a pitocin shot and for a part of the day, my vision improves.  How much is not predictable, nor for how long, etc.  I'd really like to see an MD "in eyes" about this aspect of my health, given how important eyes are.


After this way too long post (congrats if you made it this far!) do you now see what I mean about being quite fearful of this lack of understanding of vision and CFIDS/ME and fibromyalgia?

Gives you something to think about.  Or as they used to say when I was growing up, "put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!"  Ponder about it a bit, is what it means. 

Nightwear Online Shopping Tips

A safe but very expensive online buy: the classic Hanro.

So, what is it that dominates in the wardrobes of a person with CFIDS/ME/fibromyalgia?  Why sleepwear, of course! I've touched on this a bit before, in the March 15, 2012 post.  


At first glance, shopping online may seem to be the answer (akin to the promised land!) for the sick and/or those who are home bound and have no way of getting to the stores because, let's face it, with the Internet, all appears to be at our fingertips. 


But ay ya ya ya yay!  What a misconception online shopping can be.  First, nothing takes the place of seeing the true shade of a color, the proportions and cut of a garment, the weight of the fabric, the feel between your fingers. Secondly, everything looks so wonderful on the various shopping sites to the point that when said item arrives, often you cannot make heads nor tails of what the heck it is and need to go back onto the website to see what it was that attracted you so much to the item that you actually went through the whole hullabaloo of buying. Suddenly you realize what liberties were taken when the product description was written and you also realize that there was a huge army involved in the look: stylists, tailors, hair dressers, makeup artists and an veritable army of who know what to make the article of clothing you're holding in your hand and you are shocked by the "misinformation" or "brainwashing" or "propaganda" - take your pick as to which words apply to your disillusionment.


...I so miss shopping, the thrill of the find, the immediate gratification.  The KNOWING that this article has a huge chance of being successful, or knowing that said piece of clothing will never, ever work out.  Yes, there are times when my BFF Linda and I say right out loud, how we wished we had a crystal ball that would tell us if a garment will be a "success" or a complete and total disaster and a waste of our money.  And BTW: Linda and I are always on the look-out for one of those crystal balls, but no luck. Imagine that!


The perils of shopping online when you're never really able to go out to shop in real life is that a frame of reference is often missing and, unfortunately, desperation often causes you to start adding clothing to various online carts willy-nilly, most of which will need to be returned because of problems with size, suitability, fabric. In other words, said garment looks bloody awful.


To add insult to injury, this necessary "overbuying" and "unsuitability" also ends up wreaking havoc on your the credit card because of delays in refunds, etc.


However, I've finally found a bit of a formula that has allowed me to cut down on the returns part of online shopping, thus sparing my credit card and, hopefully, keeping the overinflated balances down to a minimum.    I have developed a few basic rules for buying my sleepwear (nightgown, of course) which is helping me, though not as much as I'd hoped for.  Another example of my being a work-in-progress!    

• Cotton is, to me, king. It breathes even as we sweat.  It reminds me of gold: it's largely non-reactive, so fewer chances of skin allergic reactions.

• Yes, the "new" modal is wonderfully soft, made of a natural source, cellulose, but it has a tendency to stretch out of shape and sag, so you do need to see if you think the spandex (an artificial non-breathing material) often added to the modal is enough, while at the same time not giving you the itches.  I have one beautiful modal gown sitting in my closet at the moment that needs to be returned.  Bummer.

• White is most practical. I admit it: I love bleach!  Yes, I know that bleach isn't the greatest thing for the environment, but there are some things I'm just not willing to compromise on and that is, killing the heck out of germs!   

 Furthermore, "we" can go an awful long time without bathing and changing clothing.  (Oh boy!  This is just so embarrassing to put on paper for the whole world to see, but I'm really trying to say it as it is).  A lot of us eat all our meals in bed because it's just too hard to eat sitting up (shudder: sorry, I just got a visual of me eating at the table and the word "torture" flashed through my mind) and so our nightwear can start looking something like my babies' "onsies" did after a struggle of the mouth and spoon connecting.  Bleach helps me now just as it did with my babies' clothing.     

• Jersey knit: may very well be my absolute favorite fabric.  It's soft, easy to maneuver in bed as you toss and turn trying to fall asleep.     

• Tank-style nightgowns: my favorite.  Need more be said for this über-comfy style?        

• Tea -length nightgowns work best for me.  If I'm having a clumsy spell, the extra fabric of a long gown can get twisted around the legs when I momentarily forget I'm not healthy and jump up to do something - and proceed to fall down very quickly.  (Admit it!  I COULDN'T make this stuff up!)  Short around the knees, on the other hand, is asking for family members to see something that might scar everyone for the rest of their lives.        

• "Sleeveless only" is what I buy  99% of the time.  Those nightgowns, when I've broken down and bought them with sleeves, have just newer worked out for me for so many reason.  These buying mistakes tend to be never work, despite how cute they are, how welcoming they are to the skin.   Body temperature fluctuations can drive one mad, so going sleeveless where you can slip on something soft and light when you start freezing works well.  Layers is key to survival.  

So these are the basics I've come up with in this category of the sleepwear/loungewear we all too often live in at home.   Part 2 will be continued in my next post, though depending how I feel (physically) something may pop up before I put the finishing touches on Part Two.


In the meantime, I do so hope that something in this post may end up in your CFIDS/ME/fibro arsenal  as a great tip for survival.  


And I do so hope that all are doing as well as can be!

Friday night beauty pampering...

Nothing like a good soak on a a Friday night...or do I need a life?

Finally, the week is over and about half of the population will be celebrating the end of the week by going out, while the other half lies on a coach and is exhausted, happy to finally have a break.  For those of us in the US, it's a three-day weekend, Monday being Memorial Day when we remember and honor those veterans who died in wars fighting for our freedom and in protecting our freedom.  We salute them.

At the same time, we plan our barbeques, picnics and/or hit the stores for the Memorial Day Sales!

And then there's "us," the ones with CFIDS/ME/fibro, who feel weary and exhausted (what an understatement... so sorry!) and pain so strong and killing that it feels as if it can send you straight through the roof.   For "us," I'm going to suggest a few products that some call the "ultimate" in end-of-the-week relaxation and perhaps a bit of a reward for getting through the week, the good old-fashioned bath experience of lying back, relaxing and letting your pains and woes float away - OK, only in a movie, but even in real life, the bath, with something special added can help, especially if you can talk someone into running it for you and all you need to do is step in....

People with CFIDS/ME/fibro, rejoice! Just a couple of weeks ago, I was finally able to christen my new bathtub with a truly indulging treat!  I christened it with:

• Elemis' "Skin Nourishing Milk Bath."  What decadence.  I even indulged myself more by adding three capfulls, instead of two, because...well, I was spoiling myself!  Because of remodeling I'd not been able to take a bath in a year and my skin has been so dehydrated that the words "prune" and "raisin" come to mind.  Hospital stays and almost dying, I suppose, are not kind to the skin.  So, I'm working hard on plumping up the skin, all the time trying to lose weight, of course.  Crazy, no?  Your skin is softened and washing it with a nice body wash leaves it feeling indulged. Anyway, I'm simply in love with the milk bath - insanely in love - and will reorder as soon as my finances look like they can handle it.

The next time I plan to melt away the aches and pains of the day, I'm going to add a real favorite:

• Ahava's "Juniper Mineral Bath Salts."  I've used these in the past, the Dead Sea Salts are heavenly and really do help melt away quite a bit of the aches and pains going on in your body.  I tend to think that the magnesium in the salts have a lot to do with the success of alleviating pain.  I'm not saying it's the answer but I find that they give me a bit of a break.  The smell is that of most therapeutic salts.  This is not a luxury item in the sense of the milk bath (which reminds me of Cleopatra) but the results are so amazing, the skin so soft. And I do really love the sensation of floating in the water.

And while I was in the tub the last time, I tested out my:Liz Earle "Energizing Body Scrub."  First let me just say that there is nothing energizing at all in this scrub for this CFIDS'er, so I'm not sure you need to fear that it's going to energize you just as you want to start working on falling asleep.  The ingredients include  Damask Rose Flower Water (and I love anything of quality that smells of roses, very cliche of me, but true), Sweet Orange Oil (clean smell and feel), 8 essential oils (unnamed) and Vitamin E, all with ground-up olive stones.  I'm not sure that the ground olive stones were a selling point with me other than that they ARE natural, and the Rose and Orange together are bliss.  My shoulders and upper arms were especially rewarded with this scrub and it's a real keeper.  In fact, thinking ahead (really, Irene?) this would be a nice Christmas present...or birthday gift.

And finally, just because my eyes have been giving me such a hard time lately:

• Liz Earle's "Eyebright Soothing Eye Lotion."  I pour a bit onto two cotton pads and let them soak onto/into my eyes for about 15 minutes.  Eye drop do me no good: I contend that it's because the eyeball itself is so hard, perhaps from dehydration, perhaps from inflammation, I have no idea other than it's as about as porous as a marble.  These soaked pads are the best relief I've had for my eyes. I'm not saying this is the answer, but again, I'll take relief where I can get it.

I hope everyone has a really wonderful long weekend, that everyone stays safe and that everyone feels good.  Till next time!